Thoughts on being a "missionary"...
Confession, I don't think I care for that word much. I just don't know how to describe what I'm doing because it is more than just living out a christian lifestyle overseas because if that's all we were doing, we could have easily stayed in the States to do that.
I don't really feel like a missionary. I don't feel set a part from any one else and I feel like that word puts people on a pedestal or, it can make people squirm from the thought of some not-so-honest people that lived overseas under the title of a missionary and may have done more damage then good.
"Missionary" is not my identity and I don't ever want to let that define me. I am a daughter of the most high King and I am just obeying my Father whether I am here in the Amazon, the States, or anywhere else for that matter.
I don't feel like living overseas makes me better than anyone else or makes my life more glamorous, though I can see how people might feel like it is.
My stories might be different than most but that doesn't make them better or more "holy". There was a short time that, I used to believe that I could only be the me I really wanted to be when my life was taking place on foreign soil. However, my training as a child, youth, and adult brought me back to the reality. Geographical location doesn't matter, not one bit. My walk with God and the people I love doesn't take place within a border it takes place wherever I am...it has no borders. If I am obeying God and you are obeying God then, well...there really isn't a difference between what you are doing and what I am doing. I feel called to live in the Amazon and God made that clear by opening up every door to make that happen in this season of life.
I hear things like "is it SAFE, isn't it dangerous there?" Sure, there's dangerous things that could happen but I have learned there is no safer place to be than in the will of God and if I chose not to follow His path for me here than I would be being disobedient...and we all know what happened to Jonah. Maybe my consequence wouldn't come in the form of being swallowed by a big fish (though that is a very real possibility in the amazon river, ha) but I also don't really care to find out what my "big fish" moment might look like.
It also makes me uncomfortable when people say "I could never do what you are doing." I am always a bit bewildered by that question because I'm thinking to myself..."I don't know if I actually can do this?" because deep down, I'm terrified.
It isn't easy, but I am a firm believer that God doesn't call us to live easy, comfortable lives when we could be doing so much more with our time, money, and resources. When we are in a position of being 100% dependent on Him and trust Him with our whole lives then we are quickly knocked to our knees in a place of desperateness searching for His guidance and He meets us where we are at.
It looks a lot different for many people. It is the tired momma praying for rest because she hasn't slept in months but loves her baby so much she would break herself to provide for her little one (i'm looking at you H.S., I admire you so much!).
It is the hard-working nurse who loves on her patients day in and day out. She falls to her knees to pray and care for someone who entered her life as a stranger (Mija).
It is the computer man who works endless hours to provide for his family and share the love of Christ with clients and at the end of the day he gives all the glory to God (guest family).
Those are a few examples, though I can think of many more. We just have to make the decision whether we are doing the things we are doing for our own glory, or for the glory of God.
Though, I still think we all should have a heart for the nations in one way or another, because God clearly lays his heart out for every tongue, tribe and nation. I always tell people we can be apart of a worldwide movement in a few ways...1. Praying (for missionaries and people groups) 2. Giving (supporting "missionaries" and organizations) 3. Going 4.Welcoming (foreigners) 5. Mobilizing (others to go). (www.perspectives.org) We can easily incorporate those things into our lives and they have a huge effect.
God said...so I am just doing what He called me to do and I hope you are too, whatever that may look like.
Most days I feel really unequipped doing what I am but I am quickly reminded that It isn't me doing this at all.
*sorry, if that seemed a bit all over the place, just trying to get a few things out that I've been thinking about. Oh, and the more i study spanish the worse my english compostion gets. It's been a while since I've gone a bit deeper on this blog. Hopefully it made a bit of sense. I mainly want to get the point across that as long as we are whole-heartily serving God and obeying Him, then there isn't a difference between someone serving overseas or in the States.